The Diary Of Jocelyn
by Niknakz93
Summary: "You only know the way Valentine is now. You can't imagine what he was like back then. When we were at school together." -Circle era-
1. Chapter 1

**The Diary Of Jocelyn.**

_I just find the whole story of Jocelyn and Valentine's relationship so damn tragic. Because once upon a time, they were actually in love and had a child. And then it went all pear shaped. Because he's more than a little cookoo-cookcoo. So I wanted to have a go at a fic about it. Reviews would be very much loved- it's nice to know that people are reading and maybe enjoying it as much as I do writing it. Thank you! x_

* * *

Jocelyn had spent the whole morning floating without moving in the azure lake behind the woods next to her mansion home with her thick, dark auburn hair swirling around her. She gazed unblinkingly up at clear blue sky that was littered with fluffy clouds. The moon could be seen far up, as white as the clouds. It was three fifteen in the afternoon and the midnight sun was out? Strange.

She hummed gently as the water splashed around her head, letting her eyes flutter shut- today was the day. The day that she left her home in the Idrisian countryside with Lucian and traveled to Alicante to the Academy. It was going to be a long, long day. It was a scary day too, but also full of excitement; she was to be taught how to be a true Shadowhunter. That was all she wanted.

A scream escaped her as something grabbed her ankles and yanked her down underwater. Everything went silent as the water filled her ears and then she came up with a splutter of lake water to hear loud, boyish laughter. Jocelyn's eyes were wide as she floated there, staring at the laughing boy before her. His brown hair was plastered to his head, gazing at her with wide blue eyes that reminded her of the sky above.

"You fool." Jocelyn hissed out, faking anger, slapping his arm sharply before swimming to shore. As she pulled herself out, he followed suit. But the young woman smirked deviously and placed a hand upon his chest, pushing him back in with a laugh. He resurfaced and floated upon his back, chuckling out as he closed his eyes. "I knew you'd be down here. It's our last day after all."

"I hardly think that your mother will be impressed you've jumped into a lake in your gear, Lucian." She said matter of factly, sitting down at the edge of the grassy bank and dipping her feet into the cool water of the lake, watching her friend climb out successfully, smoothing his hair back as he asked "You sound nervous."

"I'm not nervous." Jocelyn nearly snapped and Lucian cocked a brow at her. "Aren't you?" she grumbled, kicking at the water with a bare foot so it splashed. There was silence, then Lucian nodded. "I'm terrified. Just… look at the bright side."

"Oh? What's that?"

"We won't be alone. We'll have each other."

Silence fell once again and Jocelyn nodded the tiniest of fractions. "That's such a relief." It was true. There was no one else she'd rather be with in Alicante, fighting side by side, teaching and helping each other. It gave her some comfort.

Lucian placed a hand on his friends bare shoulder, telling her in amusement. "Come on, take that swimsuit back before your mother realizes. Pretty sure that's her favorite one?"

"Yes." Jocelyn laughed and scrambled to her feet, Lucians smile fading just a fraction as he realized what was going to happen, but was too slow to deflect it as she pushed him into the water once more with a splash.

Adele Fairchild was a bundle of emotions that day as her daughter got ready to leave. She half didn't want her little girl to leave her, but the time had come. It had happened to her, her mother before her… everyone. Sixteen years old and all Shadowhunter children were sent away for schooling. She was proud of Jocelyn, smiling up at her as she stood in her gear at the top of the wide, sweeping marble staircase with tears sparkling in her eyes, clapping her hands together as she exclaimed. "You look… so ready, my dear daughter."

Jocelyn smiled as she stood at the bottom of the stairs and allowed her mother to hug her. "Thank you mother" she mumbled into her hair, trying not to choke on how much was in her face. That would be the most hilarious of deaths _Choked to death on her mothers hair._

"Choking-" Jocelyn coughed out and felt her mother loosen her grip instantly, laughing "Oops. Sorry." The pair just hugged each other with tears streaming down their faces. Adele pressed a kiss to her daughters temple now, sighing out against her "I'm going to miss you."

"We get a week off in a month. Don't worry mother, you'll see me soon."

She took her daughters face into her hands and smiled tearfully. "If only your father wasn't so badly needed, he'd be here to see you off as well." She traced her thumb over her daughter's soft cheek, her smile softening. "But you'll see him in the Glass City. I assure you." Adele let her daughters face go as she heard the sound of hooves outside, telling her. "That'll probably be Lucian. He sent word that he was going to meet you here."

Jocelyn frowned. "No horse and carriage?"

"No. Because I want you to ride into Alicante with him on that horse with your head high like a true Fairchild. A warrior. Not a mundane princess in her carriage. You are going to bring pride upon this family, I know you are."

Jocelyn nodded and picked up her bag, smiling a little. "No worries there my dear mother. Pride is all I intend to bring this family."

"I love you Jocelyn. Now go. Before I turn into a crying mess."

Her daughter laughed at that, shaking her head a little as she tutted out. "I must go. Don't want to be late."

"Oh yes. Go." Adele said hurriedly, almost flustered as she shooed her daughter towards the door that the maid was opening, letting the light of day filter into the entrance hall. Jocelyn felt as if the world had suddenly stopped; she was leaving home. She was both exhilarated and terrified at the same time. She let out a low breath, then took a step forwards, hitching her bag higher onto her shoulder as she took another step. Then another. Then another. She stood before her pure white horse _Bellatrix _and ran a hand along her smooth flank, then proceeded to tie her bag to the leather straps affixed to the saddle, hitching herself up to she was at eye level with Lucian, smiling at him as she breathed out, excitement lacing her voice. "Ready?"

"Always." Lucian grinned, looking down from his chestnut steed at Mrs. Fairchild who was weeping silently as she bade them goodbye.

Jocelyn raised her hand in farewell as she and Lucian urged their horses into a canter, and soon the mansion was far behind them.

* * *

The journey wasn't too long, and from the races they had along the way, all which Jocelyn won, they were there in no time. Idris was beautiful with its lush countryside bursting with flowers of every shape and size. And the _color. _It was beyond amazing.

Bellatrix grazed lightly as the pair of young Shadowhunters stood atop a hill, staring at the Glass City at the bottom of the long hill.

"It's beautiful." Lucian muttered, taken aback by the shimmering demon towers that caught the sunlight, finally understanding just why it was called 'The Glass City.' Jocelyn bit her bottom lip now, realizing she'd been transfixed by the brilliance of the city when she cleared her throat. "Come on" she called back to her companion as she nudged Bellatrix into moving forwards once more. Lucian nudged his own a little too hard, making him shoot off with a yell.

Jocelyn blinked as the form of her friend upon his horse went past like a bullet, laughing out to him "By the Angel, Lucian! Stop before you end up falling off!" but the horse never slowed down and Jocelyn realized that Lucian wasn't playing around, his horse really had been spooked or something. She kicked her own into a full out run, but his horse was faster by miles.

Lucians foot came out of its stirrup now with a yell, grabbing onto his horses mane to stop himself falling off and Jocelyn called "Just hang on-!" she went wide, attempting to cut ahead, but it was no use. As she tried without fail to think of anything, a black figure shot out in front of her, so quick she jolted on the reins so hard that Bellatrix slowed to a stop, cantering forwards so she could pause at the top of the hill.

A horse as black as midnight with a rider so fair haired she first thought it was an angel had come haring down from the hills, faster than Lucians horse. Faster than any horse she'd ever seen. As Jocelyn watched in silence, the stranger on his black steed caught Lucians reins and yanked hard on them, causing his horse to jolt to a shuddering stop, throwing him clean off where he rolled a few times and was still.

Jocelyn gasped, urging her horse forwards down the hill to where Lucian was lying upon the grass. She slid from her horse and hit the ground running as she dashed over to him, falling to her knees and turning him over onto his back. He was awake, hissing out as he clutched his right elbow. "I think my elbow is dislocated. Ow-!" Jocelyn had slapped his shoulder, next to yelling out. "Don't scare me like that again!" she sighed, hugging him into her chest.

"Gladly." He muttered out, hugging her back for a second too long before groaning in pain. Jocelyn yanked his jacket off as gently as she could, biting her bottom lip as she took a hold of his elbow. "Ready?" she muttered, and he nodded, face pale. "Ready." A hard push later and Lucian yelled in pain as he felt his elbow pop back in, flexing his aching fingers. "It was a snake. He saw it and just… _bolted. _I wasn't strong enough to yank that hard on the reins until-" Lucian blinked and scrambled to his feet, looking around, and Jocelyn knew why- he was looking for that black horse and its rider that had come to his aid.

"I think he's gone." Jocelyn said softly, adding on "Come on, we're almost there. Get on my-"

"No. I'm going to ride into Alicante as if nothing had happened along the way." Lucian said in a determined voice, swallowing hard with his heart hammering in his chest- his elbow hurt.

Jocelyn understood and helped him climb back onto his horse, laughing out "Only you could achieve such a thing Lucian. Before we're even in the city." She sniggered at him as she hoisted herself back into Bellatrix's saddle and eased her forwards towards the gate with Lucian close behind.

* * *

Once they had their instructions on where to go from the gate, Jocelyn and Lucian walked at a slow trot through the city, suddenly feeling conscious on how new and untouched their Shadowhunter gear was compared to the ones around them. They were worn in, scratched in places and _belonged. _

"Thank the Angel you actually know which way you're going." Lucian laughed out to Jocelyn as he let her take the lead, and she glanced back, a playful smirk upon her face with her auburn hair windswept, hanging in her eyes. "I'm guessing. But trust a womans judgement, it's usually pretty good."

"Are you saying men can't read maps or something?"

Jocelyn just smiled sweetly at him and carried on through the city, feeling conscious as the people stared at them. Some smiled, some just had blank, severe expressions. _This happened to them once upon a time, so they can't say anything _ Jocelyn reminded herself time and time again until they found themselves at the stables behind the Academy, sliding down from their horses with a sigh of relief- at least they'd made it. Nervous, excited and scared, they'd done it.

When they tied their horses up securely, a figure stepped around the stalls with bright eyes and a wide smile. "Oh. You're new?"

The pair nodded and Lucian asked. "What's your name?"

"Maryse Trueblood." She smiled sweetly and nodded to the doors. "You both better get inside right now."

Jocelyn said nothing as she stepped forwards, eyes deliberately ahead so the nerves didn't get to her.

Maryse arched a brow at them, then just walked off, leaving Lucian to mutter out to Jocelyn as he hitched his bag higher onto his shoulder. "You could have said Hello at least. She was new as well."

"I just want to get today over." She breathed out, walking up the stone steps and into the Academy at long last. Lucian was the one looking around in interest as he gazed around at the giant entrance hall with its walls steeped in history. She walked up to the front desk and smiled. "We're new?"

The young woman sat there and frowned. "You're late."

Lucian gulped before muttering out. "We kind of… had a little accident on the way-" he held up his sore elbow and the woman nodded a little. "Oh. That would explain it. The rest of your group are on the tour of Alicante. If you run down to Angel Square, you should catch them."

Jocelyn stared at her blankly and the woman sighed, rolling her eyes. "When you walk out of here, turn left and carry straight on down. It's before the Accords Hall. You can't miss it up on those white marble steps."

The pair nodded their thanks and were off, Lucian laughing out. "It's an adventure, isn't it?"

"If you say so." Jocelyn muttered, wondering why she was feeling so nervous. She swallowed hard and ignored her fear as they followed the womans directions, knowing exactly what she meant by _You won't miss it._

Lucian let out a low whistle, staring at the Hall in admiration as the sunlight hit it- it was like snow, glittering and sparkling. Jocelyn laughed out as she quickened her steps "Remind me to buy an easel and some paints. This place makes me want to take up painting again."

"As long as you don't flick it at me again. By the Angel, that blue took ages to get out of my hair last t-" but he stopped dead as they both came to the end of the narrow street which gave way to a perfectly circular area of cobbles lined with houses. Directly in the middle was a statue, of what they couldn't see from the group milling around it. _Their group._

Without hesitation, they dashed forwards and sneaked to the back of the small crowd, listening to a male voice saying-

"-furthermore, this place has always been called Angel Square. Weddings, dances and celebrations have and always will be held here."

"_That's Raziel, right?" _a student called and Jocelyns sharp eyes fixed themselves upon the bronze statue in the middle of the square. It was him, the Angel himself. She gazed into its serene face before looking up at the one doing the speech, the tour itself… and frowned a little; he was barely older than herself. But the way he carried himself, it spoke more words than anything else. He was wearing his gear, no doubt setting an example to the newer students. A seraph blade was glinting at his belt. Jocelyn felt Lucian nudge her in the side and mutter out "Look at his horse."

The horse was black. So black that Jocelyn didn't need Lucian to say anything else… this was the young man that had more or less saved him.

She focused her gaze upon him through the crowd as it jostled a little, catching sight of his face for a split second; tall with proud, lean features. His hair was a halo of white blonde, and eyes black. She knew that for sure, because they fixed upon her own emerald green ones for a moment. Her heart skipped a beat, not realizing they were moving onwards until Lucian poked her in the side once more to make her realize. The young man was at the head of the group, opening his arms as he called. "And this is where you'll be staying for your time here in Alicante." Jocelyn blinked as he motioned to the houses around him, specifically on the right. _Oh. _She realized _they were student accommodation. _He said nothing else, so the students started making their way to the allocated houses, shoving each other to nab the better looking ones. Lucian and Jocelyn pounced upon a house at the far end, the nearest one to the Accords Hall. All Jocelyn could think off was how beautiful the view would be when the sun rose in the morning. The light would reflect of the demon towers, the Hall and off the statue in the square. Jocelyn realized that this was an important area that they were trusting them with.

Inside, the house was on the smaller side with two bedrooms upstairs, a bathroom for each one and a living room and kitchen combined downstairs. There was no garden, just a balcony out back where you could sit and stare at the skyline of Alicante with the countryside in the distance.

Lucian threw his bag onto the sofa with a wide grin, rubbing his palms together. "This place is amazing, isn't it?"

She had to admit… it was. Jocelyn nodded, slipping her hand into her pocket and flinching, suddenly feeling a little stupid afterwards- it had only been her stele, smooth and unyielding under her fingers.

There was wooping from outside now, making Lucian frown and look out the front window to see their guide surrounded by a group of people he obviously knew well. He spied that Maryse there as well.

"Popular, isn't he?" Lucian muttered and Jocelyn walked over to the window and glanced down with him, watching the square come alive with new students and old. She grinned at Lucian, her eyes glinting as she dared him "Let's go outside and join in."

Lucian bit the inside of his cheek, but as Jocelyn started forwards, he had no choice but to follow. He shut the door behind him and followed her, blinking as she walked right over to that girl Maryse from earlier and smiled out "Apologizes about earlier. Nerves."

Maryse was taken aback by Jocelyn's sudden words, but shook her head, smiling in response. "It's… fine. It's fine-"

"Jocelyn." She beamed. "Jocelyn Fairchild." She glanced behind her. "And this is Lucian Graymark." She cocked her head a little at him, frowning out. "Graymark. You are Amatis' brother? She's around here somewhere."

"Yes." Lucian answered with a nod and Maryse nodded a fraction. "I thought so." She raised a hand and prodded the side of his nose. "Same nose." Lucian twitched it as she came into contact. She very nearly giggled. But before any other words could be spoken, a shadow fell across them all and Jocelyn looked around to spy their guide and Lucian's savior walking forwards to stop before them with an inquisitive look upon his handsome face, chuckling out-

"I saw you both, by the way."

Jocelyn smiled awkwardly. "We got lost. And you are?" the young man smiled, taking her hand into his own and bringing it up to his lips for a moment, gazing into her eyes as he replied. "Valentine. Valentine Morgenstern."

"I'm Jo-"

"Oh I heard you my dear. I saw you up upon that hill as I came to Lucian here's rescue." He smiled charmingly, letting her hand go and looking at Lucian who took his hand, shaking it firmly. "Thank you so much for your intervention earlier, or I fear I would have a more grievous injury than a mere dislocated elbow which Jocelyn healed for me. A true pleasure to meet you. Are you a tutor at the Academy?"

Valentine actually laughed at that, shaking his head. "Oh no! I'm a student." He chuckled for a moment longer before asking in an amused voice. "I look like a tutor?" his grin widened. "Is it the hair? The dashing smile?"

Lucian shook his own head, a smile upon his face that Jocelyn recognized- he was feeling much more comfortable with his surroundings. "You're seventeen?" he asked and Valentine nodded. "Yes I am. Just a mere year older than yourself, so no, I'm not a tutor. Just doing my duty for Alicante." He paused. "Actually, Michael Wayland had to be at the Gard today, so I took his place with the tour."

"That was good of you." Jocelyn spoke up and he turned his gaze upon her, nodding. "It's what friends do for each other, is it not?"

She nodded, then looked to the people stood by the statue of the angel, asking "Friends of yours?"

"You could say so." He raised a hand and pointed to each in turn, Jocelyn hearing "Pangborn, Herondale, Trueblood you know. Lightwood, Starkweather and Blackwell. There are more, but they're around and about. My friends."

Jocelyn raised an eyebrow, smiling sweetly at him. "Or a fan club."

Valentine cocked a brow of his own, laughing out. "Are you insinuating I have a _fan club?_" a pause, then Jocelyn nodded. "I think I am." She looked to Lucian and told him "I'm going to unpack and have a bath. I'll see you later." She left without another word and Valentine clapped Lucian on the shoulder, nodding to the group. "Join us? We have drinks."

He grinned and nodded. "Thank you. I would be honored. But… I think I'm going to go with Jocelyn." Lucian smiled weakly at him, then followed the young woman into the house.

If Jocelyn had known there and then what the future held with the boy with the white blonde hair and charcoal eyes…

She would have run with Lucian. Ran and never looked back once.

**Make me a very happy bunny and review? :D**


	2. Chapter 2

Jocelyn stood beside Lucian in the first class she'd ever had, her heart in her mouth as she watched the demonstration before her. They were being thrown in at the deep end, being made to fight each other. She'd partnered with Lucian, but he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to admit it, especially before Jocelyn… but he was scared.

As they took positions, he swallowed hard and mouthed to her

_Make it quick_

One hit and he was done for.

She felt guilty as she sat upon the floor of the living room, Lucian lying upon the sofa with an ice pack to his head, murmuring out. "I'm sorry Lucian."

"It's hard for everyone when they first start, I'm sure." He groaned out. She bit her bottom lip and sighed, running a hand through her auburn locks. Lucian shrugged, muttering out. "Yeah…"

The first few weeks passed quickly, and Jocelyn was excelling. Lucian was not. He lay on his bed, staring at a blank piece of paper morosely, attempting to ignore Jocelyn's scribbles as she wrote her last page. A moment later and she grinned, announcing she was done.

Lucian was envious, but he never made it apparent.

Jocelyn lay on her back now, reading her passage on the Strength rune inside her head. Perfection.

"You know…" Lucian mused now, setting his pen down. "I saw Valentine again the other day."

"Oh?"

"He just kind of… walked past me. Like he didn't know who I was." He rolled his eyes and sighed, setting pen to paper again. "There's always one loner, sat at the back of the class hmm?"

Jocelyn tutted and flicked her pen at his shoulder. "You met him once, Lucian. It doesn't instantly make you friends. He's…" she searched for the right word and ended up saying "He's popular. I doubt he even knows all his friends names. Calm down. There's more to life than trying to be friends with the popular boy."

"Yeah. Like failing." He snapped, getting to his feet and stalking upstairs, letting the bedroom door slam shut. Jocelyn sighed, shaking her head a little- she'd shunned all company these first few weeks in favor of getting her work done. It had been extremely dull and boring at times, but she got it all in on time. She was top of her class.

And Lucian was bottom.

Jocelyn gave up with the next page of essay writing and got up, collecting her easel and paints, plus her best brushes and left the city, going up to the hill where she'd sat on Bellatrix and watched Valentine save her best friend. It seemed like years ago now.

She set up her easel, pinning her hair back with a spare brush, humming an Idrisian childrens song and set the canvas up with the little foldaway stool, looking towards the city that glowed and sparkled in the sunlight.

For a moment, Jocelyn just stared at the city before sketching an outline of the demon towers, continuing her humming as she sat down and started to mix the lightest shades first. As she glanced up, her eyes widened and she jolted back, falling off her stool with a thump.

"Sorry." Valentine apologized with a chuckle, offering her a hand to pull her up, but she didn't see it as she stood up and dusted the grass off her legs. She scowled as she faced him, snapping out. "By the _Angel,_ Morgenstern. You could have just-"

"Tapped you on the shoulder? Said a simple Hello? You still would have fallen off." He laughed in amusement and Jocelyn sighed, closing her eyes for a second before stooping down and snatching up her fallen paintbrush. "Still, _manners._"

He cocked a brow at that, folding his arms. "Are you calling me rude, Miss. Fairchild?"

"I think I am Mr. Morgenstern."

There was a pause, then he asked politely. "What are you painting?" Jocelyn blinked, then waved a hand at the canvas. "Alicante."

Valentine stepped around to look at what she'd done first when Jocelyn stepped before it, blocking his view, telling him hastily. "It's only in the early stages."

"I'd still like to look." He shrugged, not taking a step away. Jocelyn sat down upon her stool and raised a paintbrush, pointing to the rectangles, starting to speak "Those are supposed to be the-"

"They are the demon towers. You have so little faith in your work, Jocelyn.'

"Thank you (!)"

"You misunderstand me." He pressed. "What I mean, is that you have talent. You shouldn't be ashamed to show off what you've done so far, because everything has an ugly beginning in art. First comes the outlines, then-"

"I know." Jocelyn muttered. "You don't have to give me a play-by-play version of how to paint."

"My apologizes." Valentine told her quietly, gazing at her work. "May I watch?" he inquired, making Jocelyn feel awkward- she didn't like people watching her while she painted. But he wasn't laughing, and when he was silent… it didn't feel strange at all. She nodded and picked up her paintbrush once more, starting with such a light blue it was almost white. Silently, she dabbed at it where the sky was to be, aware that there was someone next to her, watching intently… but he never said or did anything that put her off.

For half an hour Jocelyn sat there with Valentine sat next to her, watching her every movement as she painted. When she'd finished the sky, she looked to him and smiled… only to feel it fade away.

He was gone.

Jocelyn blinked and looked around, but saw nothing. He'd slipped away while she was engrossed in her work. She blew on the last cloud that was drying until it was, then packed up, heading back down to Alicante.

But she still wondered why a boy like him would… well, be interested in someone like her.

Lucian was dozing lightly on the sofa when she walked in, sitting down ontop of him with a laugh as he jolted awake.

"Where have you been?" he groaned sleepily and she got off him, replying with. "I was painting."

He blinked at that, then looked down where his sheaf of paper, his homework lay crumpled under him. "Ah. Damn." He breathed out, making Jocelyn groan and roll her eyes. "By the Angel, Lucian… I swear you're doing this on purpose."

"I'm not." Lucian grumbled, screwing up the paper and tossing it into the bin at the other side of the room. He then noticed her expression and cocked a brow "You look distracted."

"Valentine came to watch me paint." She admitted, making Lucian frown as he sat up. "Why did he do that? That's not… creepy or anything. You never even let _me _watch." He was sounding disgruntled by the end and Jocelyn laughed, shaking her head as she walked towards the stairs, biting her bottom lip. "I think I'll go to one of the dances tonight. It's about time we stopped being recluses."

"Bu-" Lucian started, but she was already gone up the stairs. He sighed and laid his head back against the sofa, staring at the cream ceiling. It was a toss up of attempting to finish this impossible essay, or go and mingle with the others…

He scrambled to his feet.

"_You look beautiful, you know that?" _

Jocelyn blinked at Lucian as he complimented her as she walked down the marble stairs before the accords hall in her dark red strapless dress that was full length. She smiled at him, glancing at what he was wearing- a black shirt and matching trousers. His hair was smart, smarter than it had been since his first day here.

"Thank you." She beamed. "You look handsome as well." And that was it, she was stepping off the last step and Lucian felt his stomach drop- why did she have to say it like that? It hurt… like the Marks he couldn't bare without yelling in agony. He was starting to believe he was totally useless, that he didn't belong here in Alicante.

Maybe he should just go home…

He watched Jocelyn as she walked towards the main group milled around there, a few girls striking up a conversation with her. A girl name Madeleine Bellefleur, Maryse Trueblood and Lukes sister, Amatis Graymark. A moment of staring and Lucian stepped forwards to walk over to her, to join in… but then stopped dead, feeling sick. With a sigh of regret, he just slinked away back to the house and shit the door behind him, going upstairs and collapsing onto his bed, feeling alone and miserable.

Jocelyn never noticed Lucian was gone as Madeleine commented on how beautiful her dress was, and how it matched her hair. She blushed, wondering just how she'd stayed away from company for so long. The girls were light, young, bubbly and fun.

"You like him, don't you Maryse?" Jocelyn muttered to the young woman as she stared at Robert Lightwood who was talking to Michael Wayland. Both handsome she had to admit. Maryse blushed, quickly denying it, but Jocelyn had guessed.

She felt like a true teenager as the all stood there gossiping. On how hot the guys were, the classes… were they easy or hard? And then the talk turned to Downworlders.

"I wonder if a werewolf pees on a lamppost as it passes one?" Maryse laughed out, wrinkling her nose in disgust after as she added. "Eww. Vile things."

"You don't have any tolerance at all for Downworlders?" Jocelyn inquired as she sipped on her drink; she didn't know what it was, but it was alcoholic and it tasted so nice. Something cream in color.

"Why should I?" Maryse muttered, trailing her little finger around the rim of the glass. "They are monsters that would kill us if given half the chance. Out of control feral beasts… like vampires."

"_I saw this Shadowhunter the other day that wore a necklace of vampire fangs. It was the creepiest and brilliant thing ever."_ Someone said, and they all looked around to face a blonde haired woman. She stole Maryse's drink and knocked it back, coughing out. "I heard the Gard confiscated it from him."

"_Ah my dear Celine."_

They all looked around now to face Valentine, staring at him almost, Jocelyn knew it; he was wearing black jeans and a white shirt. She felt her eyes flicker down a little to his arms, gazing at the black Marks that were visible underneath, as if they'd been drawn onto the shirt itself. He'd obviously done it on purpose to draw attention to him, and it was working. Jocelyn noticed he wore his marks with pride… maybe that was why he chose to display them like that.

Valentine drew the blonde woman into his arms, pressing his lips to her temple with a widening grin. "How are you? It's been too long."

"Very well thank you." She smiled, pulling out of his arms reluctantly. "Vampires gone rogue in the East." She explained with a sigh. "They preyed on young girls. I think the youngest one was maybe three years old."

The group fell silent at that, and Valentine clenched his jaw for a moment before saying in a cold tone. "Monsters. All of them. This just gives us more and more evidence."

Jocelyn felt sick at the thought of vampires playing with three year old children before they killed them… drained them of blood. It was just so horrible.

A shatter of glass made her realize that she'd dropped her drink where it had shattered upon the floor. Oh. Wait… the glass had broken in her hand from the grip she was exerting. Jocelyn stared at her hand as the blood dripped from it, a frown upon her face, as if it wasn't really hers.

"Jocelyn, are you okay?" Amatis asked in concern with her eyes widening at the sight of her bloodied hand. Jocelyn laughed weakly and nodded, clenching her hand with a hiss of pain. "I'm fine."

"Have you studied on how to create _iratze's_ yet?" Valentine asked of her, and she laughed weakly. "Actually, we're just about to study them. We've not started drawing them yet… that's next week."

Jocelyn watched as he pulled out his stele and took her injured hand into his own, tracing the design of the healing rune over her injured palm. She gasped quietly as it stung and burned, but then it was gone. As were the cuts on her hand.

"Thank you." She said in a sincere voice, gazing up into his eyes that seemed almost midnight blue as the witchlight flickered there. He inclined his head and let go of her hand. "My pleasure" Valentine muttered and Jocelyn was aware at how everyone seemed to be… staring at them. She blinked and returned to her senses, smiling out. "I think I'll go home before I injure my other hand. It's only a matter of time." Everyone laughed at that, Valentine included, making her flush-

Maybe she did belong here.

Jocelyn was in a relatively chirpy mood as she closed the front door behind her, and Lucian, now that his mood was improved, was finishing off his essay. He cocked a brow at her. "What's cheered _you_ up?"

"It was good night." She said sincerely, heading upstairs without another word, changing into her nightwear. Jocelyn snuck a look at her palm-

Jocelyn swore she could still feel it tingling.


	3. Chapter 3

On the day of the first exam before the holidays, Jocelyn was nervous, her palm sweating as she held her stele; they were to draw _iratze's _upon their partners. First they had to cut their hands cleanly, then heal it.

Jocelyn rubbed her palms absentmindedly as she waited for Lucian to get ready. He'd been dawdling, causing her to hiss out "Come on!"

"Okay okay!" he groaned, descending the stairs with his stele clutched in his hand. He looked glum and she tutted out "Cheer up."

"_Sure…"_

Jocelyn watched the pairs complete the exam with ease, and when it was her turn, her eyes flickered to Lucian as she raised the short knife and cut his palm cleanly. He flinched and she smiled out as she raised her stele. "Trust me."

He bit his lip and glanced down as Jocelyn started to draw the _iratze _and it hurt. It _burned. _Lucian gasped, yanking his hand away. "Are you sure you did it right?"

The tutor looked down at Lucians palm and flashed Jocelyn a smile. "Very well done. But you, Lucian… your turn." Lucian bit his lip even harder as he sliced her palm open. She swallowed hard, staring down as he went to draw the rune with a shaking hand, but the tutor stopped him dead, eyes sharp as she said. "No Graymark. Your hand is shaking. You could do her some serious harm if you do the rune completely wrong."

With a feeling of utter disappointment, Lucian backed off and watched Jocelyn get her hand healed. As he walked out of the room, Jocelyn put a hand on his shoulder and sighed out "It'll all be okay. You'll see."

"Get off me." He snapped, shoving her hand away and stalking off down the streets of Alicante before she could see the tears burning in his eyes.

_He was a failure._

Jocelyn looked everywhere for Lucian after she'd finished her exam, and eventually found him in the library, talking to the last person she had imagined- Valentine. They were sat opposite, talking to the other… Lucian was smiling with a book open before him. She arched a brow at the scene and went to take a step forwards, but paused. Instead she turned around and met up with the girls in Angel Square for a quick chat, then returning to her hill to paint Alicante. She'd just about finished the demon towers by now, and she was feeling more than proud of herself on how beautiful it was looking. Jocelyn realized that she'd listen to Valentine… that she believed in herself more. She'd even shown her painting to one of her tutors who taught them the runes.

She'd been more than impressed, and Jocelyn felt good from the praise. More than good.

With a hiss of annoyance, she snatched her fallen paintbrush from the floor and raised it once more to paint when a pair of bare feet came to her attention underneath her easel. Jocelyn arched a brow and tutted out. "Wandering around barefooted now, Morgenstern?"

"You didn't even flinch this time." He chuckled, sitting down next to her with a groan, leaning over to look at her painting, brows rising in appreciation. "Now that is coming on amazing."

"Thank you." She replied, dabbing at the trees upon her page for a moment, almost ignoring him. But then she had to ask. "What were you talking to Lucian about? I wasn't aware you even remembered his name."

Valentine laughed and laid back against the grass, staring up at the periwinkle sky. "Oh you saw us."

"I did."

"No need to be worried. I was merely helping him."

Jocelyn blinked and gazed down at him. "Why would you do that?"

Valentine had his eyes closed as he replied quietly. "I don't like to see anyone fail in their studies. Especially someone as promising and bright as him. He is determined, you as his best friend must see that."

"I do…" Jocelyn muttered, turning around in her seat to face him. "What's in it for you? I doubt you're doing this out of the goodness of your heart."

"Must there be an ulterior motive behind every act of kindness?" Valentine enquired, sitting up and next to staring at her. Jocelyn stared right back as she answered. "I didn't mean to offend you. Truly."

"Apology accepted." He told her, and she watched him bury his feet in the soft grass. "You like being barefooted?" Jocelyn guessed and he nodded, lying back once more. "When you've worn heavy Shadowhunter boots all day long, a little rest on the feet is welcomed."

"Can I ask a question?"

"Of course."

"Why do you keep coming up here? To watch me paint, I mean."

There was a pause and Valentine replied with his tone casual. "It's relaxing. You're a calming presence, Jocelyn. You always have been."

"I'll take that as a compliment." She laughed out, dabbing at the canvas once more. There was silence, and then Valentine sighed. "I actually did come up here to ask something of you Jocelyn."

"Ask away." She replied absentmindedly, carrying on with her painting.

"What do you think of… Downworlders?"

Jocelyn lowered her brush now, looking around to Valentine as she simply said. "Next to all of them are monsters."

"Not all of them?" he replied in amusement, eyes still closed. "Why not all of them?"

"Because I refuse to believe that all Downworlders are evil, Valentine. What do _you _think of Downworlders?"

"I could talk forever and a day on that topic my dear."

"Indulge me."

Valentine sat up, pausing a moment before saying "Don't you think we should be thanked for what we do? Mundanes have no idea how much we do for them, and yet here we are… doing the dirty work while they pitter patter on with their normal lives, thinking the stuff of nightmares don't exist. Why should we live and die, mutilate ourselves like this for nothing?"

He had a point, Jocelyn realized. It had always frustrated her, the fact that they protected humans for nothing. They were the hidden warriors, skulking in the shadows.

Jocelyn answered slowly. "I _do _think we should be more recognized for what we do."

"And our numbers are dwindling." Valentine pressed, and Jocelyn laughed out. "Well we all know how to fix that!" at her words, Valentine started laughing as well, sitting up and shaking his head a little. "I understand that perfectly. Speaking of that, I don't think I'm the only one who has noticed Maryse and Roberts interest in each other?"

"No. You're not alone." Jocelyn told him, starting to pack away her paints. "I predict the pair will end up married."

"Ah, Amatis Graymark and Herondale have been getting cosy as well." Valentine chuckled out, making Jocelyn blink in surprise, listening to him add on. "They are dating, I'm sure of it. They came to the last Circle meeting with smiles on their faces that said other things."

Jocelyn frowned lightly at the unfamiliar name. "The… Circle?"

Valentine nodded, getting to his feet with a low groan. "Yes. My Circle. A little group I put together." He cocked his head a little at her. "You're welcome to come to a meeting, to see if you're interested in joining."

"What is this group all about?" Jocelyn frowned as she packed up her easel and paints. Valentine stepped over and picked up the heavy easel for her, tucking it under his arm as if it weighed nothing. "Well… perhaps you should come along and find out for yourself? From what you told me earlier, I'm rather sure you'll join. Actually, make that certain."

Jocelyn realized it was a group that was about the destruction of Downworlders, or something? Changing the Law? She didn't even know her views on them anymore. This place had warped them so much with the daily horror stories on Downworlders that had killed children… even babies.

"I'll come to the next meeting." She nodded, then paused, only just resisting the urge to say _Do you get Valentines fan club t-shirts?_. "Where will it be?"

"At my home in the countryside. The Morgenstern Manor." He smiled out. "Since we have a week or two off now. I hear they've changed it to one weeks break."

Jocelyn blanched- she had been planning on going home for a week and staying here the other one. With this change… she couldn't go home. And that hurt.

"I… I can't go home now." She muttered out and Valentine gazed at her sympathetically, placing his hands upon her shoulders and gazing into her emerald eyes with his own charcoal ones. "Come down to my mansion tomorrow? The others are coming. We're going to have what the mundanes call 'Spring Break.'"

Jocelyn had no idea what that was, so he chuckled out. "It's a week long party. We're only young once."

_Visit family… or party?_

"Sure thing. I'll ride over with Lucian?"

Valentine clapped her on the shoulder. "Excellent! I'll see you tomorrow!" but then he realized he still had her easel and chuckled out. "I forgot. Here- you carry on packing your paints and I'll drop it off at your residence. I need a word with Lucian anyway."

She smiled out her thanks, watching him walk down the hill with a laugh on her lips at his bare feet-

Silly boy.

Lucian was looking more cheerful than he had in weeks when Jocelyn returned, a sheaf of paper in his hands. "Jocelyn look!" he laughed out as soon as she walked through the door; she spied her easel by the stairs. Lucian handed her the paper and she read that Lucian had passed his _Iratze _exam that afternoon.

"Valentine's been helping me." He breathed out as if the Angel himself had come down and taught him. Jocelyn smiled and nodded. "I saw you both the other day in the library. He's very kind to do that."

"_Very." _Lucian next to beamed, folding the paper and tucking it away safely. "You coming to the Morgenstern Mansion I take it? I helped Valentine organize it."

"Yes I am." She nodded, then sank down into the seat next to her, asking quietly. "Are you a member of his… Circle?"

"The Circle of Raziel? I am." Lucian said in a proud voice, making Jocelyn's eyes widen. "And you didn't tell me this because-?"

"Well, it wouldn't be a secret organization if everyone knew now, would it Jocelyn?" he laughed and she arched a brow. "Wow. I'm your best friend, Lucian. Nice to know you've made a new one and forgotten about me."

Lucians eyes widened at that, and as she went to run upstairs, he caught her wrists and groaned out. "I didn't mean it like that, please, believe me."

A silence, then Jocelyn looked down at his hands holding her wrists. She just said in a cold voice. "Let me go Lucian. I'm stressed out from all this work."

He let her go reluctantly and watched her run up the stairs with a look of regret upon his face-

Great. Just great.


	4. Chapter 4

_Since my internet is being a little dick, I've uploaded all the chapters I've got so far for this story ^-^ reviews much loved. It'd be nice to know if anyone is liking this. Fat chance but you never know XD_

Jocelyn rode ahead without Lucian the next morning, memorizing the map Valentine had left for them. The Idrisian countryside was the same as ever- lush and beautiful.

The ride didn't take very long, and she spied the mansion in the distance as she trotted forwards on her horse. There was a stables, but it was overcrowded so she tied Bellatrix to a tree next to the stables and walked to the front door of the mansion and knocked. A maid answered the door and smiled ushering her inside to a room where everyone was gathered but for Lucian. Jocelyn relaxed as she stared around- she wasn't the only one wearing normal, mundane clothing. Her eyes flickered to each one as they greeted her, hugging Maryse back as she got up and enveloped her into her arms. Amatis followed suit and Jocelyn felt her cheeks become sore from how much she was grinning. It felt like she belonged.

But where was Valentine? He wasn't here.

Excusing herself, she stepped into the entrance hall and stopped dead as the sound of music filled her ears. Her sharp eyes flickered to a mahogany door across the hall and stepped forwards, biting her lip a little as she slipped into the room, staring at the back of the white blonde head as he sat at his piano.

"Claire de lune?" Jocelyn said quietly and the music stopped, a quiet "I'm rather fond of Debussy." A pause and Jocelyn walked over to where Valentine was sat, seating herself next to him and swinging her legs forwards, a grin on her face as she starting to play.

He watched her slim fingers work at the keys, Clair De Lune playing quietly, as perfect as his own had been. After a moment of watching, Valentine joined in, matching her note for note with Jocelyn speeding up her pace, glancing to the young man to see a playful smirk upon his face as he matched it with ease. She ended up with stiff fingers, groaning out "Fine, fine. You win."

"That was beautiful." He complimented her, raising a hand to brush the stray auburn strands from her eyes, tutting out. "How does one as exceptional as yourself not have a lover?"

Jocelyn gazed into his eyes, laughing out quietly in response, imitating him. "Oh? Then how does one as handsome as yourself not have a lover?"

Valentine smirked the tiniest of fractions. "I'm a hard man to please."

She smiled sweetly at that as she got to her feet, telling him "Now that I refuse to believe. Have you not seen all those women with their eyes on you?"

"They look at me with lust."

"I wouldn't attempt to play the virgin card with me." Jocelyn laughed, wondering if that had come across as too rude, but he just laughed, eyes following her every movement. "I'm not a virgin, Jocelyn. I wouldn't even attempt to lie on that."

She wrinkled her nose. "I really don't… I mean, didn't want to know that."

"Oh yes you did. You can hardly talk on those matters."

Jocelyn fell silent, and Valentine nodded slowly, understanding in an instant. "Oh. Now that I wasn't expecting."

"Not all of us sleep with the first thing they see, Morgenstern." She told him in an amused voice, wondering why she wasn't feeling embarrassed- she'd basically just told him that she was a virgin. Valentine smirked at that, cocking his head at her. "If that was true, why aren't you naked in my bed already? I've clapped eyes on you a good few times."

She wasn't expecting that at all, almost stumbling as she made her way to the door, turning around with a scoff in her throat. "Excuse _me?_"

Valentine held up his hands, eyes bright in amusement. "Calm down. I didn't mean it like that."

"Good." She snapped, walking out the room without a single look back.

Jocelyn sat on the swinging hammock in the vast garden with a bottle of beer in her hand, staring at the grassy floor. She was thinking about… everything. But always seemed to come back round to thinking about _him. _Valentine. The popular boy that seemed to be taking such an interest in her. Him and his silly 'fan club.' Stupid clever, handsome, charming man. Urgh.

Just as Jocelyn was about to give up, get on Bellatrix and ride to her parents for she'd had enough of this place, Lucian ran out with his face paper white. How long had he been here anyway? He hadn't told her… oh yeah. She was mad at him.

"What." She said in a grumpy voice as he stood before her, and he said quietly. "I don't think the party is going to happen. In fact… I don't think the meeting tonight will happen either."

His tone scared her, and Jocelyn looked up with widening eyes, asking in utter confusement. "What-? Why? What's happened?"

Lucian just whispered out. "A rider… came along. Valentines father, he went on a raid last night to a werewolf encampment… he was…"

Jocelyn didn't need to hear the rest to know what had happened- his father was dead. She felt numb, and as the sound of smashing reached her ears from inside, she didn't have to guess what the mans son was doing. Jocelyn felt herself scrambling to her feet, running towards the mansion and through the backdoor to see a vase smash into the living room from the music room with a yell. It was just… so full of grief.

Maryse and Amatis were stood in the kitchen out the way while Michael and Stephen tried to calm the young man down, but it was no use; he was beyond consoling.

Jocelyn poked her head past the door to see Valentine storm into the music room and slam it shut behind him, no doubt sealing it with a rune. She stepped forwards and pushed the two men away, sighing out. "Leave him alone. Just… give him time."

They paused, but listened to her as they walked back into the kitchen where Jocelyn watched Amatis snuggle into Stephens arms. _So they were together… _Maryse blinked at the sight of them, and Jocelyn saw her eyes flicker to Richard at the other side of the room.

Valentine had been right. They were in love, it was plain to see.

They mansion was silent that night, a few of them had indicated that maybe they should leave, but Richard shook his head and muttered out that Valentine was their friend. They couldn't leave their friend in his hour of need.

It was just gone midnight when Jocelyn walked barefooted into the hallway and put her hand upon the door of the music room, attempting for the… she'd lost count. But she pulled at the handle and felt a jolt in her stomach- he'd taken the rune off, or it had faded.

Jocelyn slipped into the room that was lit by witchlight. All of them extinguished but for one atop the piano, illuminating the figure sat before it, a dull sound echoing as he kept prodding the same key over and over again. She didn't know what to say _Are you okay? _Seemed like a pretty stupid one with what had happened. But it wasn't her who made the first move.

"Could you… relight those witch… witch…" he couldn't get it all out, but she understood, stepping around the room and making each one glow once more before she sat down on the seat next to him. After a few minuets, Valentine looked up at long last and Jocelyn felt her heart twist- his eyes were red and damp. She acted without thought as she took his face into her hands and sighed out. "Oh Morgenstern…. What are you like, hmm?"

"Fatherless." He just muttered out, voice so bleak that Jocelyn felt like crying herself. She doubted anyone, and she meant anyone… had ever seen him like this. So broken and lost. She doubted anyone ever would again after this. Jocelyn let him rest his forehead against her shoulder, silent sobs wracking his body as she hugged him close, stroking the back of his white blonde head with a hard lump in her throat. "Shh." Jocelyn muttered out gently, letting her other hand rest upon his back, wondering why she felt so… suddenly protective of him.

The door to the music room opened once more and she glanced over to see Lucian. For a moment, she swore he was staring at the scene with accusing eyes… especially how she was holding Valentine, but then it was gone, replaced by a worried expression. Jocelyn shook her head a little, indicating he should leave. He left without another word.

Jocelyn held Valentine for next to half an hour while he silently grieved, but then he sat up without warning, wiping his red eyes upon his sleeves and clearing his throat. "You shouldn't have seen that. Don't-"

"I won't tell anyone. I know Lucian won't either." Jocelyn promised, feeling uncomfortable once again as he _stared _at her. Like it was the first time he was truly seeing her. His eyes never left her own as he placed his hand upon her soft cheek, mumbling out. "Thank you." And with that, Valentine leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to her forehead, letting his eyes close for a moment before he got up and left the room. Jocelyn just sat there, still feeling his kiss upon her forehead lingering. It just felt like… of all the girls he could ever choose, all those that wanted him, so much more than she did… and he'd chosen her. But why? All because of a few acts of kindness? But then Jocelyn remembered that he'd taken pleasure in watching her paint because it was _peaceful. _Was she the one who had bought him peace?

Did she even like him like that-? He was handsome, clever and everything a woman would want… but she hadn't been looking for a lover. And she might have found one?

Urgh. Jocelyns head was buzzing from all the internal questions, trying to answer them. She crossed over to the door and leaned upon the frame, watching the others fuss over Valentine as he got himself a strong drink of tea. He must have sensed her staring, because he glanced up, their eyes meeting for a minuet or two. Or half an hour. It felt like forever for Jocelyn, staring into those dark, dark eyes.

She had utterly no idea what to say or do, so she smiled weakly at him and knew right there and then. It might take months, or maybe even a year…

But he'd chosen her.


End file.
